Contrary to exceptions I not only passed all elements of my latest Japanese test, but also managed to perform to a standard dangerously approaching that of competence. However my newfound confidence was almost shattered by the pronunciation exercises that I did in school this morning. Using a piece of voice recognition software, the correct pronunciation of fairly basic Japanese sentences was compared to my ‘tranquil’ tones, and I was told repeatedly, and in some detail, why I was such an abject failure. The fact that the teacher only managed to get 2 out of 5 stars only served to confirm my suspicions that no one can actually speak Japanese.
This evening my friend Jun and I went to a Jamaican restaurant in Harajuku. I had the excellent salt fish and ackee, as today is Good Friday and so I cannot eat meat. And I do literally mean that I cannot eat meat today, as ever since I was old enough to consume solids my Grandmother has told me that ‘Not Even the Pigs Eat Meat on Good Friday’, with such insistence that if I were to commit this sin, then my body would very likely immediately shut down. For very similar reasons I blame my inability to drive on my mother’s advice that being in control of a car is like ‘being behind the wheels of a killing machine.’