Remarkably I passed all of my final language school tests with some of my highest scores to date, including 81% in my conversation exam, which means that my sensei obviously hadn’t gone away to research the exact formatting of a certain virtual reality 1980s television show. I even managed (via my favoured medium of mime and pigeon Japanese) to convince him that I deserved an extra mark in my grammar test, because it was quite possible to read an entire book without realizing it, one need only refer back to my PhD thesis for apposite evidence.
It is getting scarily close to Homestay, a period during which I will be living with a Japanese family for a month, hoping that they put up with my appalling language skills and strange mannerisms. In an attempt to buy their acceptance, if not their love, I intend to bombard them with gifts; to this end my wonderful mother sent me over a variety of treats from Betty’s, Farrah’s, and the Edinburgh Woolen Mill. I also decided that it would be a good idea to buy the father of the house a bottle of Johnnie Walker in a flagrant attempt to win his approval. I just hope that he isn’t expecting me to share it with him, otherwise I will have to air the old ‘If I drink any alcohol my doctor says I will die’ routine, a tactic which I have found to be an extremely effective explanation for my teetotal lifestyle.