In today’s Cymbeline rehearsals the actors were practicing one of the final battle scenes, when all of a sudden the director called proceedings to a halt and issued a rapid succession of indecipherable (to me) instructions. Seconds later two of the chorus were removing their Roman soldiers outfits, and climbing into the bodice of a pantomime horse, which had miraculously appeared from nowhere. In fairness the horse was actually incredibly lifelike, once you got over the fact that the legs (played by the actors) were a bit too gangly, and the actors did a remarkable job of bringing it to life, before it was slaughtered by the advancing Roman army. It is unclear how the horse, once slaughtered, will be removed from the stage, but in a play which also features a descent from the Heavens by Jupiter aloft a 20ft giant eagle, it is probably not the stage manager’s number one concern at this moment in time.
I have now sold, or have buyers for, every item of saleable furniture in my flat, apart from the large tatami table, which has a broken leg. Unfortunately I am pretty certain that the table is too large to removed as burnable garbage, and so I am going to have to either procure an axe from somewhere and smash it to smithereens, or else find a discreet skip/industrial sized dustbin in which to fly tip it. Failing these two options I suppose I could always try and sell the thing down at the recycle shop, cunningly trying to cover the missing leg whilst I haggle my way down to 20p.